determined by mercy
As I sit down to write this, I am just returning from visiting the home of two of our 1st grade students at A Heart for Wisdom school, cousins, a boy and a girl. In Khmer, the boy's name means "Mercy" and the girl's name means "Determined"...what fitting names for the story they told us.
On the drive to their home, the cousins gave us a little history of their family. The girls' mom left them some time ago. She said she has a 6 year old brother too, but her mother sold him before she abandoned their family. She said her mom almost sold her too but her dad intervened.
My heart aches and my eyes well up with tears even in typing these words.
We found out later during the visit that her dad is not mentally stable, but we don't know if this developed recently or has been going on for many years. Either way, the girl now lives with her grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousins. The grandma and aunt were working so they were not home. Her dad lives with them too but is not her primary caregiver from what we could tell. He stayed outside while we were there, working with a chisel and a piece of wood. He looked like a skeleton, I have never seen a grown man so emaciated before.
I have seen the inside of many humble homes in several other third-world countries before, so I am not surprised by chickens running around on the dirt floors and lack of windows or other niceties. But I think hearing these kids tell us about the deep brokenness in their family minutes before we arrived at their house just made this particular home feel especially dark, sad and hollow.
The front of the brick-and-mortar house is the shop where the girls uncle sells miscellaneous items, it appeared to be auto parts and things like that. And then as we walked further in on the dirt floors we saw the rest. All along the walls there are rusty, sharp medal poles, some sticking out of the ground, others just laying in the dirt...not exactly kid-friendly and far from baby-proof. It was very dark because the few small windows were well above eye level. A little past the shop part, we entered into the "living room" which basically consisted of a plastic-wrapped mattress on a table with an electric fan. Piles of rags and plastic bags were scattered on the floor. The next room also had a mattress wrapped in plastic, and nothing else. No sheets, no blankets, no pillows. No kitchen really, just a small table with a few utensils, pans, hanging dried herbs. They must use a fire outside because there was no way to cook anything in that room. Multiple wires hanging from the ceiling of wooden poles, connected lightbulbs to switches in a way that looked like something Benjamin Franklin must have rigged when he first discovered electricity.
I tried to take in all the details, as visually assaulting as it was, and much as I didn't want it to be real, it was real. This was their home.
On top of all of this, the uncles sister was there visiting. She seemed to be the most nurturing of the adults present, but she is also very sick. She has been battling breast cancer for who knows how long. From what I saw, it looked aggressive, advanced and very painful. She said even if she could afford surgery she wouldn't get it because she takes care of the kids the most and there isn't anyone who would be able to help her during recovery.
I'm not sure how long she is staying with them, but all I could think was thank God she was there now, or these kids would basically be on their own. There's also a 3 year old boy in the picture, the 1st grade boys younger brother. The aunt says he wants to go to school with his big brother and is always putting on their school uniforms, but he's still too young. The father of the two boys seemed nice enough, but he's trying to run his business in the front of the house too so is preoccupied with that. The little toddler must keep his auntie pretty busy during the day.
{{Long sidetone: I visited this family with Alex, Nettie and Tate. Tate is on staff at the orphanage, I think I have mentioned him before. He is a strong leader and has such a shepherd's heart. He teaches chapel Monday-Thursday at the school and leads the youth group every Sunday morning. I don't know what God has planned for this 21 year old, but I can see God's hand on his life and the fruit that is life is producing amazes me constantly! Alex and Nettie are a wonderful couple who moved to Cambodia in January. Some of the coolest "retired" folks I have ever met. This is how they are spending the first 3 years of retirement: moving to a third-world country and serving Jesus together in a TON of different ways. Like Kit and Ream, Alex is American and Nettie is Cambodian. They are the loving unofficial grandparents around here, but really they seem too hip and young for that title ;) We look forward to their arrival every Tuesday! They stay at the orphanage for a few days during the week and teach a bible study for the teachers at the school. They always bring treats to share with the staff and kids and sometimes we huddle around Nettie's iPad and watch movies. I hope I am as cool as they are one day, doing life and retirement right that's for sure. The kids love them, the Carson's love them, I love them! And they are graciously letting me spend this weekend with them in Phnom Penh, really looking forward to it}}
Ok back to the house visit. Tate and Alex got to share the gospel with the aunt and uncle, while Nettie and I played and sang songs with the three kids. We prayed over the aunt before we left and we are believing God will heal her. Her situation is very much like that of the people Jesus encountered when He walked this earth: impossible and hopeless, apart from Christ. She truly needs a miracle. She doesn't have the option of relying on conventional medicine. She has no money for a doctor and even if she did, her cancer seems so advanced, it may be beyond what anyone could do. Think about how difficult cancer is to treat in the States, even if you catch it early. And how expensive it is, even if you have insurance. Treatment hasn't even crossed this woman's mind, it's something so far out of reach.
I have to admit, praying for her healing was stretching for my faith. Of course I would say I believe God can do anything, but often times I say that knowing I have a back-up plan in mind. Like I ask Him for this or for that, but sometimes the temptation to rely on my own resources is such a natural thing to do I don't think twice about it. In the back of my mind I think, if He doesn't provide or answer or give me what I am seeking Him for, I will just have to figure something else out somehow.
When was the last time we prayed with desperation? We ought to ask the Father for a profound understanding of our insufficiency so that desperation for more of Him is not such a rare experience. We have to come to the end of ourselves. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself here.
There is no back-up plan for this dear woman. No resources to rely on. She isn't tempted by self-sufficency because it's just not there.
And the worst part is, my initial thought when I saw this woman's plight was not "We need to pray for her." It was, "Has she received any kind of treatment for this?" What was I thinking in even wondering that...Lord help me. Even being in their home and seeing the conditions they live in, and still my comprehension of her reality that is SO far removed from my own, was severely out of touch.
On the drive home, I was very quiet. The two kids sat in between Tate and I and Alex and Nettie were in the front. The kids looked so cute in their little school uniforms, they seemed happy and untroubled by the things that had disturbed me so much. Their beautiful coffee-colored eyes were bright and alert with the constant learning and absorbing that little kids just do all day.
My sadness for their situation slowly shifted towards being thankful that they are coming to the school here and learning about the love of Jesus and that they are and will continue to bring His light into their home. He brings life where there is no life. He brings hope where there is no hope. I have to trust Him with these kids because ultimately, they belong to Him. We took them back to school and I walked home, sandals squishing through mud from the afternoon downpour, still very contemplative, but more hopeful than I had been at their house.
I thought about the meaning of their names...Determined...Mercy. That's the gospel in two words.
God was determined to show us His mercy that He was willing to give up His own Son to do it. Mercy requires determination because mercy is not our natural tendency. Mercy is easy to brush off and be talked out of showing because it is never deserved or earned. For a logical thinker like myself, it's just a hard concept to grasp sometimes.
Mercy doesn't make sense...
...Until you need it. Then and only then, it makes a lot of sense and when you need it you hope everyone understands it because in that moment, you need mercy and it's up to someone else to give it to you. The truth is, everyone should be able to understand it because at some point or another, we're all going to need it. Sometimes we forget that and sometimes we just don't see our own need.
Determination is another part of the gospel. We were determined to reject God. God was determined to rescue, redeem and forgive us. Jesus was determined to make it all happen.
In the 1828 Edition of Webster's Dictionary, determined means "absolute direction to a certain end."
Concrete. Committed. Total resolve.
I love that. I want that to sink in and become a part of me. I want to be more determined to show mercy to the people around me. To not let things hinder or turn me off course from that absolute direction.
If there is one thing I have seen in Kit and Ream these last two months, it's determination. These people are not quitters. They have been up against some tough fights lately, but they just keep going. Eyes fixed on the prize, overcoming one obstacle at a time, strengthened by the Holy Spirit, they continue advancing the Kingdom of God here. Please keep them and the ministry in your prayers, lots of changes on the horizon. They need extra wisdom, grace and flexibility for daily decisions!
I had so many other things to share, but this is already too long. A lot of cool things have happened this week. I will limit myself to just sharing one more because if anyone is still reading this, I know you have other things to do :)
Yesterday I got to teach 4 classes of 1st and 2nd graders (about 135 kids total) the importance of hand-washing! Thanks to your donations, I was able to send them all home with a bar of soap and some simple concepts to teach their families! It was really fun to spend the classroom time with them and I am planning on visiting the rest of the elementary grades over the next few weeks. {{They have tests next week and I will be traveling to Battambang for a few days, so it may take a few more weeks here, but I've got plenty of time}} I will need to purchase more soap for the remaining classes anyways, my initial purchase got around 300 bars but I will need at least one more box. If anyone still wants to donate funds for that, just let me know!
Its been a full week and I have a full heart...a heart that is longing to be more determined, more merciful and a whole lot more like Jesus.
[below] Taught these cuties a new English sentence, "Clean hands are happy hands!"
Added note: We told the Carson's about our house visit and determined to show mercy, Kit responded with "Sounds like a really open door to show that family Jesus." We plan on following up with the aunt who has cancer. Good health care is much more affordable here for our Western standards {{my recent ER visit was $200 and I'm sure in the States it would have been at least double that, if not more}} We still believe the Lord wants to and can heal her any way He chooses. If He wants to heal her in a way involving people and medicine, we are going to see what her options are and assist her with expenses if there is a solution. Please pray for continued opportunities to love this family and many others!
On the drive to their home, the cousins gave us a little history of their family. The girls' mom left them some time ago. She said she has a 6 year old brother too, but her mother sold him before she abandoned their family. She said her mom almost sold her too but her dad intervened.
My heart aches and my eyes well up with tears even in typing these words.
We found out later during the visit that her dad is not mentally stable, but we don't know if this developed recently or has been going on for many years. Either way, the girl now lives with her grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousins. The grandma and aunt were working so they were not home. Her dad lives with them too but is not her primary caregiver from what we could tell. He stayed outside while we were there, working with a chisel and a piece of wood. He looked like a skeleton, I have never seen a grown man so emaciated before.
I have seen the inside of many humble homes in several other third-world countries before, so I am not surprised by chickens running around on the dirt floors and lack of windows or other niceties. But I think hearing these kids tell us about the deep brokenness in their family minutes before we arrived at their house just made this particular home feel especially dark, sad and hollow.
The front of the brick-and-mortar house is the shop where the girls uncle sells miscellaneous items, it appeared to be auto parts and things like that. And then as we walked further in on the dirt floors we saw the rest. All along the walls there are rusty, sharp medal poles, some sticking out of the ground, others just laying in the dirt...not exactly kid-friendly and far from baby-proof. It was very dark because the few small windows were well above eye level. A little past the shop part, we entered into the "living room" which basically consisted of a plastic-wrapped mattress on a table with an electric fan. Piles of rags and plastic bags were scattered on the floor. The next room also had a mattress wrapped in plastic, and nothing else. No sheets, no blankets, no pillows. No kitchen really, just a small table with a few utensils, pans, hanging dried herbs. They must use a fire outside because there was no way to cook anything in that room. Multiple wires hanging from the ceiling of wooden poles, connected lightbulbs to switches in a way that looked like something Benjamin Franklin must have rigged when he first discovered electricity.
I tried to take in all the details, as visually assaulting as it was, and much as I didn't want it to be real, it was real. This was their home.
On top of all of this, the uncles sister was there visiting. She seemed to be the most nurturing of the adults present, but she is also very sick. She has been battling breast cancer for who knows how long. From what I saw, it looked aggressive, advanced and very painful. She said even if she could afford surgery she wouldn't get it because she takes care of the kids the most and there isn't anyone who would be able to help her during recovery.
I'm not sure how long she is staying with them, but all I could think was thank God she was there now, or these kids would basically be on their own. There's also a 3 year old boy in the picture, the 1st grade boys younger brother. The aunt says he wants to go to school with his big brother and is always putting on their school uniforms, but he's still too young. The father of the two boys seemed nice enough, but he's trying to run his business in the front of the house too so is preoccupied with that. The little toddler must keep his auntie pretty busy during the day.
{{Long sidetone: I visited this family with Alex, Nettie and Tate. Tate is on staff at the orphanage, I think I have mentioned him before. He is a strong leader and has such a shepherd's heart. He teaches chapel Monday-Thursday at the school and leads the youth group every Sunday morning. I don't know what God has planned for this 21 year old, but I can see God's hand on his life and the fruit that is life is producing amazes me constantly! Alex and Nettie are a wonderful couple who moved to Cambodia in January. Some of the coolest "retired" folks I have ever met. This is how they are spending the first 3 years of retirement: moving to a third-world country and serving Jesus together in a TON of different ways. Like Kit and Ream, Alex is American and Nettie is Cambodian. They are the loving unofficial grandparents around here, but really they seem too hip and young for that title ;) We look forward to their arrival every Tuesday! They stay at the orphanage for a few days during the week and teach a bible study for the teachers at the school. They always bring treats to share with the staff and kids and sometimes we huddle around Nettie's iPad and watch movies. I hope I am as cool as they are one day, doing life and retirement right that's for sure. The kids love them, the Carson's love them, I love them! And they are graciously letting me spend this weekend with them in Phnom Penh, really looking forward to it}}
Ok back to the house visit. Tate and Alex got to share the gospel with the aunt and uncle, while Nettie and I played and sang songs with the three kids. We prayed over the aunt before we left and we are believing God will heal her. Her situation is very much like that of the people Jesus encountered when He walked this earth: impossible and hopeless, apart from Christ. She truly needs a miracle. She doesn't have the option of relying on conventional medicine. She has no money for a doctor and even if she did, her cancer seems so advanced, it may be beyond what anyone could do. Think about how difficult cancer is to treat in the States, even if you catch it early. And how expensive it is, even if you have insurance. Treatment hasn't even crossed this woman's mind, it's something so far out of reach.
I have to admit, praying for her healing was stretching for my faith. Of course I would say I believe God can do anything, but often times I say that knowing I have a back-up plan in mind. Like I ask Him for this or for that, but sometimes the temptation to rely on my own resources is such a natural thing to do I don't think twice about it. In the back of my mind I think, if He doesn't provide or answer or give me what I am seeking Him for, I will just have to figure something else out somehow.
When was the last time we prayed with desperation? We ought to ask the Father for a profound understanding of our insufficiency so that desperation for more of Him is not such a rare experience. We have to come to the end of ourselves. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself here.
There is no back-up plan for this dear woman. No resources to rely on. She isn't tempted by self-sufficency because it's just not there.
And the worst part is, my initial thought when I saw this woman's plight was not "We need to pray for her." It was, "Has she received any kind of treatment for this?" What was I thinking in even wondering that...Lord help me. Even being in their home and seeing the conditions they live in, and still my comprehension of her reality that is SO far removed from my own, was severely out of touch.
On the drive home, I was very quiet. The two kids sat in between Tate and I and Alex and Nettie were in the front. The kids looked so cute in their little school uniforms, they seemed happy and untroubled by the things that had disturbed me so much. Their beautiful coffee-colored eyes were bright and alert with the constant learning and absorbing that little kids just do all day.
My sadness for their situation slowly shifted towards being thankful that they are coming to the school here and learning about the love of Jesus and that they are and will continue to bring His light into their home. He brings life where there is no life. He brings hope where there is no hope. I have to trust Him with these kids because ultimately, they belong to Him. We took them back to school and I walked home, sandals squishing through mud from the afternoon downpour, still very contemplative, but more hopeful than I had been at their house.
I thought about the meaning of their names...Determined...Mercy. That's the gospel in two words.
God was determined to show us His mercy that He was willing to give up His own Son to do it. Mercy requires determination because mercy is not our natural tendency. Mercy is easy to brush off and be talked out of showing because it is never deserved or earned. For a logical thinker like myself, it's just a hard concept to grasp sometimes.
Mercy doesn't make sense...
...Until you need it. Then and only then, it makes a lot of sense and when you need it you hope everyone understands it because in that moment, you need mercy and it's up to someone else to give it to you. The truth is, everyone should be able to understand it because at some point or another, we're all going to need it. Sometimes we forget that and sometimes we just don't see our own need.
Determination is another part of the gospel. We were determined to reject God. God was determined to rescue, redeem and forgive us. Jesus was determined to make it all happen.
In the 1828 Edition of Webster's Dictionary, determined means "absolute direction to a certain end."
Concrete. Committed. Total resolve.
I love that. I want that to sink in and become a part of me. I want to be more determined to show mercy to the people around me. To not let things hinder or turn me off course from that absolute direction.
If there is one thing I have seen in Kit and Ream these last two months, it's determination. These people are not quitters. They have been up against some tough fights lately, but they just keep going. Eyes fixed on the prize, overcoming one obstacle at a time, strengthened by the Holy Spirit, they continue advancing the Kingdom of God here. Please keep them and the ministry in your prayers, lots of changes on the horizon. They need extra wisdom, grace and flexibility for daily decisions!
I had so many other things to share, but this is already too long. A lot of cool things have happened this week. I will limit myself to just sharing one more because if anyone is still reading this, I know you have other things to do :)
Yesterday I got to teach 4 classes of 1st and 2nd graders (about 135 kids total) the importance of hand-washing! Thanks to your donations, I was able to send them all home with a bar of soap and some simple concepts to teach their families! It was really fun to spend the classroom time with them and I am planning on visiting the rest of the elementary grades over the next few weeks. {{They have tests next week and I will be traveling to Battambang for a few days, so it may take a few more weeks here, but I've got plenty of time}} I will need to purchase more soap for the remaining classes anyways, my initial purchase got around 300 bars but I will need at least one more box. If anyone still wants to donate funds for that, just let me know!
Its been a full week and I have a full heart...a heart that is longing to be more determined, more merciful and a whole lot more like Jesus.
[below] Taught these cuties a new English sentence, "Clean hands are happy hands!"
Added note: We told the Carson's about our house visit and determined to show mercy, Kit responded with "Sounds like a really open door to show that family Jesus." We plan on following up with the aunt who has cancer. Good health care is much more affordable here for our Western standards {{my recent ER visit was $200 and I'm sure in the States it would have been at least double that, if not more}} We still believe the Lord wants to and can heal her any way He chooses. If He wants to heal her in a way involving people and medicine, we are going to see what her options are and assist her with expenses if there is a solution. Please pray for continued opportunities to love this family and many others!
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