The "Yes" I'll Never Regret

9 days left in Cambodia...I'm shaking my head in disbelief as I type that.

It's gone by fast but its also been full to the brim! Full of love, full of challenges, full of learning and lots of opportunities to just g r o w. I can honestly say that every single day here I have tried something new, learned something new or relearned something I had forgotten. And it's made me feel so alive.

My trip to Thailand was really fun! I enjoyed exploring Bangkok with Alex and Nettie and Nettie's sister and niece, Nan and Tatiana. We got to visit a zoo one of the days, so my wish for holding a baby tiger came true :) Bangkok is an overwhelmingly HUGE place, I was not prepared for how massive that city is. Little village girl over here felt a bit out of place haha. But we had a good time with each other and enjoying new surroundings. One night Tatiana and I took a Thai cooking class and that was a great experience!

After a few days in Bangkok, SreyPov and I met up in Phnom Penh and took a bus ride to the province of Kampot, about 4 hours south west of Takeo. After getting dropped off in Kampot, we took a small wooden boat to a place called Rabbit Island, about 3 miles off shore in the Gulf of Thailand. We carried our bags through the jungly path until we saw a sign that pointed us in the direction of the beach {{Felt like we were on Lost for a minute there}} We met up with Kit, Ream, their three kids, Zach and Tate and got settled into our little beach huts.

We spent the next 2 1/2 days on the island, swimming, combing the rocky shore for shells, starfish, snails and clams, eating fresh seafood, and enjoying being completely off the grid. It was so nice to not open a single app, to not receive or send emails or texts or get any notifications for almost 3 days! We had really good weather for most of the time we were there and after being in the big city of Bangkok, surrounded by so many people and buildings, it was even more restful to be somewhere quiet that we could just enjoy the beauty of God's creation and seek some solitude.

Before heading home, we drove up Bokor Mountain and did some more outdoorsy activities. We climbed over rocks, and fallen trees, explored old mansions from the 1900's, picked wild raspberries, got to stand on the edge of a beautiful waterfall and just bask in the wonder of this country. It was a very adventurous day!

We got back to our village on Tuesday afternoon and launched back into everyday life here in Takeo. Under normal circumstances, coming home from vacation can be quite a let-down, but to me, it felt really good to be coming "home" and I was comforted to realize that I still have a little time left here.

Honestly this last week has been one of my favorites. I have had so many unique Cambodian experiences every single day it seems! I'll share a few of them with you.

Ream's dad, Pastor Kon, has helped multiple families throughout this area build ponds and raise catfish, as a means of additional food and a sustainable source of income. One of the returning YWAM Kids, Yong, has been assisting Pastor Kon with visiting the fish farmers and making sure everything is going well with the ponds.

I got to accompany Yong this week on his visits, and at each home we stopped at we got to feed the fish and talk to the families. Again, the goal is to keep building good relationships with the villagers, and consistently show them the love of Jesus, as many of them are not yet Christians.

We had a lot of fun going from house to house on the moto, and eventually we came to the village where Yong's sisters live. We stopped the moto to eat some snacks and we came across several Cambodian women planting rice in a field. Some Khmer small talk was exchanged and it turns out they knew Yong and his family. A few minutes later, we were down in the dirt planting the rice sprouts with them and talking like old friends. It was so fun! We only joined them for about 15-20 minutes, but I'm sure doing it all day is back-breaking work. This one older woman gave me the biggest squeeze and was so delighted that a foreigner wanted to plant with them. She sweetly said now she knows she will have a good crop, and she meant it! {{because some agriculturally-clueless American helped?! For the most part, the people here are incredibly welcoming and kind, it's very humbling}} I got a lot of double takes from people passing by, I take it a blonde-haired white girl planting rice is not something they see every day 😉

Yong has been wanting to dig a fish pond for his sisters and their kids so that was our project yesterday! Yong, Tong, SreyPov, myself and one of their friends from school dug a 2 meter x 5 meter hole that was 1 meter deep. {{According to my super smart boyfriend, who is currently getting his Masters in Geological Engineering, he estimated that we moved about 30,000 lbs of soil. Every muscle in my body hurts today in agreement with that number}} It took about 6 hours and I don't know if I have ever been so caked in dirt in my life. 5 people sharing 3 hoes, 3 pairs of gloves, and 2 wicker baskets, which we filled with dirt and dumped out, 40-50 lbs at a time. But we had ALOT of fun; probably could have finished a little sooner if we hadn't laughed so hard and so much 😅

We are continuing to visit families of the students from the school on a weekly basis, usually M/W/F. We have had so many good conversations with different families over the last few months. I've really enjoyed those times. One mom a few weeks ago said that her kids came home from the school with bars of soap and everyone is washing their hands more. She said her older kids don't let the toddler touch the dog anymore and they are always cleaning his hands too. It was so cool to see first-hand {{no pun intended}} that they actually listened and are teaching their families what they learned! It's the little things, ya know? :) We have also installed soap holders in the school bathrooms now and the kids are all using it regularly!

This past Wednesday, SreyPov and I went to the house of one of the 3rd grade students. His grandma was home, planting rice in the field behind the house. She had this contagious joy that just beamed from her beautiful smile. She told us how her family stopped sacrificing to the evil spirits that used to torment them because she realized it wasn't working, and all of their offerings didn't keep the demons from their home. She went on to say how much peace they have now that they have received the gospel and believe in God.

As we kept talking, she took a break from planting and gave us the full tour of her property. She's raising chickens {{provided by the school through the loan program}} and pigs, growing papaya, guava, bananas, cucumbers and other fruits. She also has a stone grinder that she uses to make flour that she turns into rice noodles. Talk about a wonder woman! What a diligent lady, living out Proverbs 31-- Cambodian style.  She let Pov and I attempt to spin the very heavy grinder, but to no avail. She showed us up big time and she made it look really easy haha.

There are many other stories I could share, but I am realizing more and more that most of these moments I have experienced can't truly be conveyed. I don't have a sufficient enough grasp of the English language to write about them fairly and no camera lens can really capture the rich depth of this journey I have been so privileged to be on. Many times I don't even bother taking a picture because I am so in the moment and don't want to miss a single second of it. But these times will be pondered and cherished in my heart for years to come.

I wish everyone could experience the pure freedom and joy I have felt these last few months. It's unlike anything I could have prepared myself for. Sure, there have been times of discomfort, emotional fatigue, sickness, loneliness, doubt and a handful of other unpleasant things. But those "light and momentary afflictions" as Paul called them, could never diminish the glory of God I have seen and experienced here. I have encountered the Lord in a fresh way these last 14 weeks and I didn't even realize how desperately my heart needed that.

It's His glory that causes us to worship Him. It's His glory that sets Him apart from all other gods. Whether I'm alone in the countryside surrounded by the beautiful mountains and fields, nearly blinded by the most vibrant shade of green I have ever laid eyes on, or I am surrounded by kids at the orphanage and school, nearly blinded by the radiance of their smiles, it's His glory that I am in awe of.

It's also His glory that snaps me back into reality of how short this life is. It makes me realize I want my life to count for something bigger than myself. Because when I stand before the throne of the One who gave His life for me, I don't want to wish I had given more of my life to Him. I don't want to be standing there seeing how much I held back.

We always have a choice to make.

One day I will give an account for all the times God asked me to step out in faith and away from self-reliance and simply say YES to Him, but I chose to say yes to myself, my comfort, my security, and my need for others approval instead. I want to live my life in a way that gladly chooses Him. I haven't nor will I ever do that perfectly, but I long to have a heart that willingly embraces obedience and joyfully says yes.

I have been thinking lately about what it means to really let God have your whole life, to live and stay in a place of surrender. My dear sister Bethany sent me an excellent teaching by Tim Keller that I listened to several weeks ago and am still ruminating on. One of the things he said that really stuck with me was a clear definition of what it means to commit your life to the Lord. It means that you are saying these three things to Him:

- I will obey anything you tell me, whether I understand it or not
- I will accept anything you send me, whether I understand it or not
- I'm not gonna bail on You, no matter what

I keep thinking about what if Kit and Ream had not said yes to this call God placed on their lives. How different the lives of literally thousands of people would be right now. The ripple effect they have had here and around the world is more than they will probably ever know, until Heaven. The people in the village they have served and helped in countless ways. The orphans they have taken in and loved as their own children. The kids at the school who are being given a better future through the avenues of knowledge and wisdom. How many of them (and their families) would still be stuck in the cycle of poverty, remaining uneducated and worse of all, totally unaware of the love God has for them.

I have told them this many times since I got here, and I keep saying it: I am so glad they said YES. And I am so thankful that they continue to say yes, even when it's really hard, even when they feel alone, even when they don't know how they are going to make it financially or what the next step to take is. I have seen the concreteness of their character and I know they are not gonna bail on the Lord and forsake this work, no matter what. I have been incredibly challenged by their steadfastness.

My prayer is that this little window I am giving you to this world is both encouraging and challenging you as well, and that it expands your view of what God is doing in a place so far from your home, your neighborhood and community and yet His heart for these people is the same as His heart for you and your family.

One of my dear friends and mentors Barb, reminded me this week that if I had not said yes in coming here, I would truly have missed out on the adventure and the blessing of a lifetime. I came scared and I came doubting myself and wondering if I was a little bit crazy, but by the grace of God, I came anyways. And in His kindness, He allowed me to partake in a small way the work that is going on here and will continue to go on after I leave. I'm so thankful that even though God doesn't need us, He uses us and let's us play a part in His purposes.

What is God asking you to say yes to? Who is He asking you to reach out and show His love to? An unreached people group? A stranger? A neighbor? Maybe a coworker or relative? A ministry that needs your support and encouragement? Where is He leading you to get involved and serve? Are you looking beyond the needs of your own family, church and the people that are immediately connected to you and considering how you can join others in meeting the needs of the world? How is He directing you to invest the time, resources, skills and abilities He has entrusted you with so that one day, you can hear the words "Well done, My good and faithful servant?"

These are hard questions and I know there a million excuses to fill in the blanks. Our lives are so busy, and so are the lives of everyone around us. We get so consumed, and it's usually by good things, but the danger is when the good things pacify us from pursuing the best things. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself to step back into life in the States; I know in the past, how easily I can get caught up in my tiny little world and forget about the much bigger picture. If it doesn't directly and immediately affect me, it's really easy to just not care.

But I don't want to live that way anymore.

These are the questions I am examining my own heart with. I'm glad having every question answered and having it all figured out isn't a prerequisite to obedience. What I do know is this: I want my response to the Lord to always always always be a thousand times, YES.


[above] One of the sweetest families we have gotten to visit! the mom is a widow and not only is she raising her own 3 kids, but also 2 others belonging to her relatives. the grandma works hard too to make sure the kids tuition is paid for every month, they love the school, and the kids education is their top priority. even having to make so little go so far, she wanted us to have dinner with them! we weren't able to but it was a precious invitation.

[below] wonder woman!




[above] these kids all got check-ups on this house visit, pretty sure they had never seen a stethoscope before. we had fun playing with it :)

[below] SreyPov and the super heavy rice grinder. 





[above] DREAM COME TRUE


[above] So much love for this couple! I'm really glad they decided to adopt me the last few months :)

[below] river views in Bangkok



[above and below] Rabbit Island!



[above] we ate so many clams and brought back 2 huge coolers full for the kids at home!

[below] our bungalows!





[above] the crew as we finally made it off the island. if you only knew how much we carried onto that boat 😂

[below] The Carson Family + me at Bokor Falls. I really love them a lot.



[above] SreyPov has become such a dear friend and sister <3

[below] livin on the edge!





[above] playing in dirt all day! pretty proud of that hole.

[below] working with the 9th grade biology class using the microscope this week was a lot of fun!



[above and below] village fun! visiting fish ponds and planting rice!




[above] sleepover in the girls room this weekend! sometimes we're just silly <3




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